Reader Sam has done us all a great favor by emailing the link to Arty Bollocks Generator. The site provides an instant Artist Statement for anyone applying for a grant, preparing for a show or cobbling together a CV. Gallerists, too, will find it useful for composing the kind of press releases vital to so much contemporary art work. You know, the ones that explore the relationship between gender politics and low-fat ethics.
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The Generator provides a 4-paragraph template with arty variations on each paragraph. It has a pitch-perfect ear for the pretentious incoherence that keeps the game going. The template:
My work explores the relationship between the body and skateboard ethics.
With influences as diverse as Wittgenstein and Frida Kahlo, new combinations are created from both simple and complex meanings.
Ever since I was a child I have been fascinated by the traditional understanding of the human condition. What starts out as triumph soon becomes corroded into a tragedy of power, leaving only a sense of chaos and the prospect of a new beginning.
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As temporal phenomena become transformed through boundaried and critical practice, the viewer is left with an insight into the limits of our condition.
That “boundaried and critical practice” is a gem. But if it is not good enough for you, click the button and go to the next.
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Try referencing Nietzche and Roy Lichtenstein for insight that goes like this:
Ever since I was a student I have been fascinated by the ephemeral nature of relationships. What starts out as triumph soon becomes corroded into a tragedy of greed, leaving only a sense of what could have been and the prospect of a new understanding.
Not arty enough for you? Try on the one that begins:
My work explores the relationship between emerging sexualities and multimedia experiences.
This sly put-down of the affectations and charade of intellecualism that artists are encouraged to play—indeed, take classes in—is the brainchild of one David James Ross. If I am guessing correctly (and I might not be), he is a self-described “trainer and writer for creative professional develpment” who lives in the U.K.. So says a profile on Linkedin. His collaborator, web designer Joke de Winter, is a fellow resident of Leicester.
Ross’ Bollocks Generator confirms my suspicion that most press releases and artists statements derive from Monty Python. If it tempts you to use his services to promote your next show, well .
. . oh, hell, go for it. He deserves the Turner Prize.
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Note: Thanks, too, to Mr. Eyeballs for that delicious cartoon.
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© 2011 Maureen Mullarkey
